The Moneyist: My wife pushed me into buying a home because she provided 2/3 of the down payment. Now I’m stuck in a house I hate

The Moneyist: My wife pushed me into buying a home because she provided 2/3 of the down payment. Now I’m stuck in a house I hate

13 Nov    Finance News

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T.S. Eliot

Dear Moneyist,

My wife and I purchased a home a year ago. I believe we overpaid by 20%, but the appraisal matched what we paid. I do not like the house. It is attached. There is noise pollution, and I don’t think the neighborhood is the safest. We spent most of our savings on the down payment, and the rest we invested in her business and a little in stocks.

The process of getting the house was rushed because, at the time, my wife and I were living with my parents in their house to save money. After a year of living there my wife was adamant in moving out as soon as possible. We were looking for a house for less than a month when she decided on the house we are living in now.

The Moneyist:I got a promotion and a raise, but my colleagues undermine me. How do I balance work and my happiness?

As she had money from a divorce, she contributed two thirds of the down payment. Because of this I felt as though her opinion carried more weight than mine. Although I wanted to get a multi-family property to help with expenses, I agreed to this single-family house. We put 50% down.

I still feel resentful about this house almost a year later. I wanted to save money to buy more investment properties. I know it is still possible to do that, but I believe we wasted a perfect opportunity, and have been set back at least 5 years before we can invest in another property.

See also  Assure Holdings Corp. Announces Business Combination with Danam Health, Inc.

My dream is to have investments properties so I have the option of not working and living in other locations without worrying about income. I am currently an accountant, which I hate. We are now expecting our first child, which just adds to our financial responsibilities, I know I sound like an ass. Please help me see the light.

First World Problems

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at Want to read more?Follow Quentin Fottrell on Twitterand read more of his columns here.

Dear FWP,

Do you want your early married years to be marred by what you could have done? You are trying to control the past and, unless you have a DeLorean, a town clock, and a few electric wires, you can either make peace with the fact that you both did your best with the information you had at the time, or waste the next five years looking back.

Forgive your wife for perhaps plowing ahead with a decision that you were maybe not wholly comfortable with, and forgive yourself for allowing your wife’s money to sway your thinking, and not speaking up more at the time. She may have provided 75% of the down payment, but you are each 50% responsible for making this choice. Own it.

Ditch the abacus and stop adding up who had the most money, how much you did or didn’t overpay and how much time you might have lost before you have achieved financial independence. Even if you did buy a multi-family home, you could be stuck with repairs, a tenant from hell or other unforeseen circumstances that ruin your timeline.

See also  Measures to control coronavirus have brought flu infections to 'historic lows.' Scientists want to keep it that way.

The Moneyist:‘I watch our finances like a hawk’: My husband owes $12,000 in unpaid tax — and he never told me. Should I file separately?

It also seems like your unhappiness with your choice of career — a choice for which you are also 100% responsible —has gotten mixed up with this house. You must identify the dry rot before removing it. Your job is not your wife’s fault either. If you are unhappy with your job, take action to change it. Change doesn’t take time. It takes work.

You are shadow boxing with your own hopes and dreams. I don’t know who exactly you are in competition with. The person you think you ought to be by now? Here’s what I know for sure. You may earn or save enough to turn the key in the door of a house that is more to your taste, but behind that door you will find another door, and another one behind that.

Few first homes are perfect. If you are fortunate enough to have a job and a home, being happy with what you have is a choice. You are in a better position than most people, with 50% of your home paid off. Be grateful for what you have, and sit down with your wife and make a realistic plan that allows you to plan for the future, and enjoy your life now.

If you are spending your time luxuriating in Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda, it will no longer matter where you live because you will not be present for your wife, your child or yourself.

See also  Key Words: John Fogerty demands the president stop using his music: Donald Trump IS the ‘fortunate son’

The Moneyist: My father wants to deed his kids his home before Prop 19 takes effect. I suggested a life estate instead — he said I’m ungrateful

Hello there, MarketWatchers. Check out the Moneyist private Facebook FB, -0.50%  group where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *