The Moneyist: My boyfriend is buying a house and does not want me to have equity. I’m moving in with him and selling my home — what should I do with the proceeds?

The Moneyist: My boyfriend is buying a house and does not want me to have equity. I’m moving in with him and selling my home — what should I do with the proceeds?

20 Jul    Finance News

Dear Moneyist,

My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together. We each have one child and are planning on one more together. There is a large income disparity (in his favor). He is purchasing the home, and does not wish for me to have equity in the house. I completely understand his reasons and have no desire to fight him on that. I will be selling my current home to move with him.

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What is the best way for me to contribute to our new life together, while also making sure that I have an investment for myself later should I need to purchase my own home, or something for my child(ren) to inherit after I am gone? I don’t want to help pay the mortgage if I’m not receiving equity. I’m more than happy to pay for other things.

With no home equity, I will not be building savings in that way. Does it make sense to take my current home profits after the sale and put it in a separate money making account for the future? We both love each other and are comfortable with this arrangement, I just want to be sure that I am also protecting myself just as he is, while also helping to contribute to our new household.


Dear Anonymous,

You are asking the wrong question.

Your letter stopped me in my tracks here: “I will be selling my current home to move with him.” Stop. Don’t sell this home unless you absolutely have to, and I see no reason in your letter why you should sell to move in with a man who does not wish to buy a home together, especially given that you are planning to have children together. It’s a red flag.

The Moneyist:
I filed a joint tax return with my estranged wife because she is a gambler and her finances are a mess. But I got NO stimulus check — what can I do?I’ll leave the relationship to you, but I urge you not to give up your financial independence and your home. If this relationship does not work out and you sell your home, you will be in a tricky situation and you will rue the day you ever sold it. If you do stay together, you and your children will be living in his home. That’s not a good outcome for you or your child.

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Assuming you keep your home and have a tenant, it’s fair for you to pay a set amount every month toward rent in your boyfriend’s home, but if that feels weird or creates a low status/high status situation in your relationship, or doesn’t feel right to you, listen to your gut. It will be your best guide on how to proceed. Don’t move in if something feels wrong about this.

The Moneyist: I didn’t get my stimulus check because I owe back child support. It’s not fair. My stepchildren rely on me — what can I do?You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus at Want to read more?Follow Quentin Fottrell on Twitterand read more of his columns here.

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